The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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