I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
