we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
