stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
