i love accidental penises.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
