She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
