and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
