Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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