I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
