We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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