she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
