you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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