I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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