I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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