he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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