my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
