I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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