"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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