He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
BRING THE BAGELS
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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