Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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