Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i think my tv is drunk
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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