At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
