I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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