I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
