Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize