Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
