we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
