No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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