What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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