8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
