the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
