Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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