i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
