I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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