whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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