He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She even gives head with a lisp.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
