I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
