return my video game
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
