I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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