yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
