Swine flu. Run for my life!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
