if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
