Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
