yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
