I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
