i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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