I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize