Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
