Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
