marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Everything about him screamed your future.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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