You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
