i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
