I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I want a musical about memes.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
