You just made me feel so damn special
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
