my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
