I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize