Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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