oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
