even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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