Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
