An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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