I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
