SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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