I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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