He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
