What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
