I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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