my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
