im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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