Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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