I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
