you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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