I can't watch pbs sober anymore
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
this will be a night to untag.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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