I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
