she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
