Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
