I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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