I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I am one with the molecules
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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