I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize