I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
