Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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