I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
