sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
