I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
