why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize