i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize