in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
