And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
