apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
