Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
