You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
