nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
