you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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