Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
