Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I need to stop coming to work sober
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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