My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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