I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
