Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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