Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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