Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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